BEING A PASTOR'S WIFE CAN BE A TOUGH GIG!
BEING A PASTOR'S WIFE CAN BE A TOUGH GIG!
Being in ministry is both a blessing and a curse. My dad would always say that ministry would be great if it weren't for the people, which I think all of us in ministry can appreciate:) I was a pastor's kid growing up and then served in the church as a teenager. I knew the Lord called me into ministry in high school and went on several mission trips. After I married Greg, he became a jr. high intern pastor and then we took a position as high school pastors (which we loved!!). At the end of six years, we lost our minds and decided to plant a church. You have to agree with me that church planters have to be a little crazy. After spending some time with other planters, I can testify that some are A LOT crazy.
We started with eight people in our little green living room. I remember the night that Greg said he needed them to be all in and they all put their credit cards on the table. It was overwhelming to see their faith. At that time, we had two young kids, a minivan we bought from my brother for a dollar (that should tell you something), eight people with courage and a vision that burned within us. More importantly, we had a God that was able to bless above and beyond what we could have imagined! We started out in a movie theater and then moved to a high school gym before we bought an old furniture store that we turned into a church. We set it up and tore it down for ten years! I tell you all of this to explain that I have knowledge of what it means to be in ministry and specifically what it means to be a pastor's wife.
If you ask me, being a pastor's wife IS the hardest role in the church and since I am no longer in that position, I have the unique opportunity to talk about it. As pastor's wives, we are as much apart of the church's vision as our husbands are, but we usually don't have the voice he has. This is why we help with message prep and then sit in the front row on Saturday night taking notes about what our husbands need to fix for Sunday morning. Am I right?!? There were some times when I was so frustrated that Greg didn't get the timing of a joke right, or didn't explain the story with enough detail or didn't communicate the issue as well as he could have. After expressing this to him, he told me I was going to teach with him. Then I was on stage with him and figured out pretty quickly that public speaking is not as easy as it seems and inevitably, when you say a lot of words, you can get yourself in trouble. One time I was speaking with him and he gave me the touchy subject of talking about our bodies being the temple of God (thanks for that, babe) and I ended up sounding like I was saying the ladies had all given up on themselves and were fat. That was fun. Or not. But after things like that, people go away unwilling to forgive and the gossip mill starts about you as their pastor's wife. How you think you are better than them, or you can't relate with them or whatever it is that they misinterpret.
You buy a new car and they think you are ripping off the church. You open your home and invite people in and they make judgements about your home that is your sanctuary and all of a sudden, it doesn't feel so safe. I know I felt so inadequate. I was putting myself out there and they were judging me. Maybe sometimes fairly, sometimes unfairly, but you know the gossip spreads around the community because, eventually, it ends up getting back to you. You get suspicious of anyone who wants to be your friend because you've been burned in the past. Your husband comes home from a meeting where he's been raked over the coals, and you want to go take on everyone, but you can't because it's not your place. There are women who you see in the lobby looking at your husband like a rockstar and lets be honest, you kinda want to rip their hair out and tell them to leave your man alone! And then, your staff wives. They can be a blessing or a curse as well. We had staff wives who finally admitted they had been jealous of me for over a year that I got to travel with Greg and were talking with other each other behind my back. There were some who were close friends that went sideways and it feels like a betrayal. It's so frustrating. It's so lonely. No one sees the nights you and your husband stay awake praying for the church, for the finances, for your staff. No one knows the sacrifices made, the dreams given up, the criticisms taken. Greg would always say, to find the leader, look for the guy with the arrows in his back. It's so true. But can I encourage you that if there were no arrows in your back, you wouldn't be doing things right.
If you are reading this post and you're not a pastor's wife, you may wonder why we would want to be in ministry. I can't answer for everyone, but the reason I did it was because of the complete life change that happens in knowing and walking with Jesus. When hopeless people come and find hope in Him, when lost people know they are found, when guilty people are freed by His grace, there is nothing like it!
Galatians 6:9 is such a powerful verse for the pastor's wife. "And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up." Pastor's wife - Don't give up! If you are feeling tired, frustrated and lonely, please know you are not alone. I want to let you know (if you don't know already) about a group of pastor's wives who have created something called Leading and Loving It. It's specifically created for women in ministry. You can find the link here. In this group, you can find community and support. I would also like to offer, if you need someone to pray for and with you, listen to a need or even a vent, please feel free to email me. I've been where you have been and it would be my privilege to lift you up in prayer. You've got this and God's got you in all of your beautifully brokenness! Praise be to the ONE we serve!
Being in ministry is both a blessing and a curse. My dad would always say that ministry would be great if it weren't for the people, which I think all of us in ministry can appreciate:) I was a pastor's kid growing up and then served in the church as a teenager. I knew the Lord called me into ministry in high school and went on several mission trips. After I married Greg, he became a jr. high intern pastor and then we took a position as high school pastors (which we loved!!). At the end of six years, we lost our minds and decided to plant a church. You have to agree with me that church planters have to be a little crazy. After spending some time with other planters, I can testify that some are A LOT crazy.
We started with eight people in our little green living room. I remember the night that Greg said he needed them to be all in and they all put their credit cards on the table. It was overwhelming to see their faith. At that time, we had two young kids, a minivan we bought from my brother for a dollar (that should tell you something), eight people with courage and a vision that burned within us. More importantly, we had a God that was able to bless above and beyond what we could have imagined! We started out in a movie theater and then moved to a high school gym before we bought an old furniture store that we turned into a church. We set it up and tore it down for ten years! I tell you all of this to explain that I have knowledge of what it means to be in ministry and specifically what it means to be a pastor's wife.
If you ask me, being a pastor's wife IS the hardest role in the church and since I am no longer in that position, I have the unique opportunity to talk about it. As pastor's wives, we are as much apart of the church's vision as our husbands are, but we usually don't have the voice he has. This is why we help with message prep and then sit in the front row on Saturday night taking notes about what our husbands need to fix for Sunday morning. Am I right?!? There were some times when I was so frustrated that Greg didn't get the timing of a joke right, or didn't explain the story with enough detail or didn't communicate the issue as well as he could have. After expressing this to him, he told me I was going to teach with him. Then I was on stage with him and figured out pretty quickly that public speaking is not as easy as it seems and inevitably, when you say a lot of words, you can get yourself in trouble. One time I was speaking with him and he gave me the touchy subject of talking about our bodies being the temple of God (thanks for that, babe) and I ended up sounding like I was saying the ladies had all given up on themselves and were fat. That was fun. Or not. But after things like that, people go away unwilling to forgive and the gossip mill starts about you as their pastor's wife. How you think you are better than them, or you can't relate with them or whatever it is that they misinterpret.
You buy a new car and they think you are ripping off the church. You open your home and invite people in and they make judgements about your home that is your sanctuary and all of a sudden, it doesn't feel so safe. I know I felt so inadequate. I was putting myself out there and they were judging me. Maybe sometimes fairly, sometimes unfairly, but you know the gossip spreads around the community because, eventually, it ends up getting back to you. You get suspicious of anyone who wants to be your friend because you've been burned in the past. Your husband comes home from a meeting where he's been raked over the coals, and you want to go take on everyone, but you can't because it's not your place. There are women who you see in the lobby looking at your husband like a rockstar and lets be honest, you kinda want to rip their hair out and tell them to leave your man alone! And then, your staff wives. They can be a blessing or a curse as well. We had staff wives who finally admitted they had been jealous of me for over a year that I got to travel with Greg and were talking with other each other behind my back. There were some who were close friends that went sideways and it feels like a betrayal. It's so frustrating. It's so lonely. No one sees the nights you and your husband stay awake praying for the church, for the finances, for your staff. No one knows the sacrifices made, the dreams given up, the criticisms taken. Greg would always say, to find the leader, look for the guy with the arrows in his back. It's so true. But can I encourage you that if there were no arrows in your back, you wouldn't be doing things right.
If you are reading this post and you're not a pastor's wife, you may wonder why we would want to be in ministry. I can't answer for everyone, but the reason I did it was because of the complete life change that happens in knowing and walking with Jesus. When hopeless people come and find hope in Him, when lost people know they are found, when guilty people are freed by His grace, there is nothing like it!
Galatians 6:9 is such a powerful verse for the pastor's wife. "And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up." Pastor's wife - Don't give up! If you are feeling tired, frustrated and lonely, please know you are not alone. I want to let you know (if you don't know already) about a group of pastor's wives who have created something called Leading and Loving It. It's specifically created for women in ministry. You can find the link here. In this group, you can find community and support. I would also like to offer, if you need someone to pray for and with you, listen to a need or even a vent, please feel free to email me. I've been where you have been and it would be my privilege to lift you up in prayer. You've got this and God's got you in all of your beautifully brokenness! Praise be to the ONE we serve!
I am not a pastor’s wife (obviously lol), but this is good stuff. I do know what goes on as a son-in-law of a lead pastor though, & it’s not always pretty. That’s for sure. I love hearing your heart & what you share about Greg. I’m so grateful I get to keep learning from the Rohlinger family. Keep it coming! :)
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