MAMMA BEAR AND THE WHITE SHOES

MAMA BEAR AND THE WHITE SHOES

I don't know if this ever happens to you, but sometimes in my life, there is a roaring protective bear that lives inside of me. And she is vicious. Normally, I'd like to think of myself as a happy-go-lucky, roll with the punches type of person. But anybody who thinks they can mess with my kids, I've got another thing coming for you.
My kids lovingly call this the mama bear syndrome and sometimes they even have to tell me to put my claws away. I remember when they were little, we lived by a large desert dry creek. The neighborhood kids would congregate in there and even made a secret fort for hanging out in which they had all sorts of make believe adventures (not sure why, as I would be scared of snakes and scorpions, but hey, that's just me). One afternoon, my oldest son comes running back crying that some kid was picking on him and my gentle, quiet spirit went from peaceful to savage. I saw red. I marched out my front door and waited for those boys to crawl up from the ravine (again, not braving the desert creatures). When they did, I asked my son, "Which one" in my take no crap voice, arms folded over my chest. Immediately every boy started sweating and looking uncomfortable. My son pointed and I said, "Hey! What's your name? I need to talk to you about being a nice friend." They didn't stay around long enough to listen to my lesson on how to be a nice friend as each one of them took off in different directions for their homes. I yelled something sweet (I'm sure) after them, and I don't recall ever having to speak to them again about being nice. They totally got my message the first time - don't mess with the Rohlinger kids. I think there were some rumors in the neighborhood about my son's crazy mom, but truthfully, I was ok with it.
My daughter recently said she needed a pair of new shoes for school and she found 'just the ones' she wanted. She is her father's daughter when it comes to loving fashion and knowing just how to put an outfit together. She did not get this gene from me! However, I am grateful for it and her love and knowledge when it comes to outfits and makeup. She can make me look pretty good (ty Brookie!) When she told me what color she wanted the shoes to be, I about had a heart attack. She wanted the shoes in white. WHITE!!  I know all about what happens to white shoes at school. There is this "fun" game that kids like to play when someone shows up with crisp white shoes. Kids go up to those wearing said new white shoes and step on them just to make them dirty. It happened to my son in high school and after that, I outlawed white shoes. So after all my common sense talk about how dirty they would get, and how others wouldn't let them stay white, she still insisted that she have these shoes saying that the kids wouldn't step on her shoes. What can I say? I'm a big sucker for those blue eyes. She got the shoes and immediately, put some type of protection on them, making sure she waited to wear them until she was sure they were completely ready.
The day comes and she looks adorable. I have to say, she was right about the white shoes looking good. When I picked her up, she looked like she was in some sort of shock. I asked her what was wrong and she said she had gone the whole day with no one bothering her and her white shoes. When she was waiting to cross the street to meet me at the car, a boy had arched his foot over hers and told her not to move. When her brain realized that he was threatening to step on her shoe, her natural reaction took over and she tried to pull her foot away. As she moved the boy slammed his foot down on her foot and said, "I told you not to move." Yet again, red blurred my vision. I immediately started asking questions, furiously looking around for the culprit. "Who did this? What's his name? Is he still there? No? Then which way did he start walking?" I was literally ready to track this kid down and give him a lecture about how rude that was, especially to a girl with a mother who is on a budget! I can't just run out and buy her new shoes!! But as Brooke's embarrassment grew, some sanity began to return to me as well. There was a part of me that wanted to look over at her and tell her, 'I told you so', but I was able to reel that in.  When we got home, I told my 19 year old son (the one that likes to protect us) about the injustice that happened to his sister and told him the kid had walked to our local grocery store and he should go confront the kid (I said some sanity returned, not all).  Calmer minds prevailed and I went to my room to cool down. I couldn't believe how mean some kids could be and tried to figure out how to get her more new shoes, when the budget didn't allow. Finally I decided to consult God.
I don't think I've said this before, but when Greg died, I told God that He would have to be a Father to my children and a husband to me. That meant He would have to help me raise my kids and take over in areas like money and security, which is really scary as a widow. There is a peace that is inexplainable when you give up whatever control you're trying to maintain (haha - as if we could ever be in control of life circumstances!) and let God handle it. Sitting on my bed, praying to Him about what happened brought me back to the fact that though I had no control over things, He was in complete control. I could feel the tension roll off my back and I took a deep breath. Brooke didn't need a new pair of shoes, we knew they were going to get dirty and she was good with that. I didn't need to teach the boy a lesson, life has a way of doing that (and a restraining order from his parents was not what I needed). I also felt like I had to take a hard look inside myself to understand my reaction. Getting angry wasn't a good example to model for my kids.  Angry vengeance is not a good look on anybody.
You've got to love James 1:19-20, "Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God."
I had to go back to Brooke and apologize to her for my anger and tell her it was ok. I had to forgive the boy in my heart and know that God would take care of that. My goal in life is to be more like Jesus in every way. I want to be righteous, not self-righteous and I need to be able to love under any circumstance that I may face. I asked Brooke a few weeks later what she had learned from all of this. She said she learned not to react while you are angry. Whoa. My daughter is a genius and she was preaching at me!! YES! Don't react in anger! Now if I can just live her message out...
Mama bear still lives inside of me even though I am trying to tame her. I try and remind myself that things happen in life that are never in my control. Greg use to say that the issue is never the issue. The issue is always about control. In this situation, he was absolutely right. I wasn't in control over what happened to her shoes, her person or my budget when that boy stepped on her shoes. I'm trying to live in confidence that when my life feels out of my control I can rest in the fact that God IS ALWAYS in control and has a perfect plan for my life. Nothing ever enters my life that is a surprise to God and He has a beautiful way of fitting even shattered pieces back together. It may never look the same, or how I want it to look, but the new picture is a masterpiece.
The Lord knows I need to work harder in this area and now, after spilling my guts, you all know it too. 😂 Lord, help me to be quick to hear, slow to anger and abundant in love as I try to be more like You in my beautifully broken life.