LOST AND FOUND

I was recently at an amusement park, standing in line, waiting to get on a ride. There were a couple of moms behind me with their preschool age kids enjoying talking and not really paying attention too closely to their children. One little boy was easing his way up to where we were and then further up to see what was in front of him. I wasn't paying much attention to him either as he inched his way up. I had turned around and was talking to my kids when I noticed the look on his mother's face. It was one I had seen before and experienced myself. She was panicked because she couldn't see her son. She started calling his name, frantically looking left and right to find him. As soon as I took the scene in, I got her attention and pointed to where her son was. Immediately, her face calmed and she politely smiled and thanked me as she got her son and brought him back to her side.
I have been in that same place. I have lost children in amusement parks (more than one...ok about 3), a park and a grocery store (mostly Zachary). I've left them at church and in the car in the garage (ok, this was Joshua just pouting, but still scary in the Arizona heat). It is a frightening experience to think of losing something or someone you love.
But I have also felt lost. My blog domain is called 'Beautifully Broken', and I love the symbolism of those words. Like a mosaic where you take an object that was once whole and beautiful and break it to create something else completely different that is also beautiful. I love how people in Japan use gold, silver and other materials to bind back broken pottery and make it something new and unique instead of just throwing it away like garbage (it's called Kintsugi). I love being beautifully broken, but I almost called my blog 'I once was lost...' because being lost has been an area of life that I have really struggled with since losing Greg. I lost my husband, my ministry, my church, my identity. I left the dot, dot, dot because I feel like I am still trying to find myself. It is something that I really struggle with still today. Feeling lost in life has taken it's toll on me to the point of needing medical attention because of the stress and panic that creep into my life. And I struggle with this as well: If I have so much faith in God (which I do), that He has a plan and a purpose for my life, that He will take care of my needs and the needs of my children that He will provide and sustain me, then how can I have so much anxiety in my life? Has anyone else ever felt this way?
Some of you like to quote Greg's sermon about look at the birds back to me. I know and understand that God is there and will provide, but I am just speaking openly about my struggles and I think some people have these struggles as well in their lives. How do we, knowing what we know about our great God and His love for us, and trusting Him to do it, get over the anxieties of life?
I'm not sure I have the million dollar answer to these questions, but I can tell you what I do. I seek professional help from both medical and mental health doctors and I run to the source of all truth. There are so many verses in the Bible that talk about the fact that God is in control. I may feel lost, but He has found me and will never let me go! Reading these verses and meditating on them again and again brings peace. Trying to memorize verses helps when I feel the fingers of anxiety creep into my heart. I love Psalm 56:3 because it's short and easy. "When I am afraid, I put my trust in You." I say it like a mantra in my head and heart because I do believe it! I love to listen to worship music that speak to me. I love Jesus Culture's song called 'Fierce', especially at the bridge. The lyrics say, "You chase me down, You seek me out, How can I be lost when You have called me found". I play it on repeat and really ponder the words. I know that Satan wants me to think I am lost, that there is no hope. But God has found me and will help me with all my struggles and He will help you. How do I know? Because He has done it in my life repeatedly. He is faithful and trustworthy. Even though my life is messy and complicated, it doesn't mean my God is. I can't even imagine where I would be without His great love and peace! If you are like me and feel somewhat lost in life, please know that you are not alone. With God, we are never alone and THAT is so comforting. Let me know if you struggle with this too. Let's purpose to always remember (and remind Satan when he comes to deceive us) that we have ALREADY overcome if we have Jesus in our beautifully broken lives.