IN MY FATHER'S REFLECTION

In My Father's Reflection

I have my dad's eyes. They are a beautiful bright blue that shine brighter in the sun, next to the ocean or when I am crying. I remember growing up and looking at his beautiful eyes and being so grateful that mine were the same shade of blue as his. The funny thing is, my mom is drop dead gorgeous with beautiful dark brown eyes, but I was always so glad I got my dad's eyes.
My dad passed away August 31, 2019. My mom and I had the honor of holding his hands as he took his last breath here on earth. I was so blessed to be able to call him my father. My dad grew up in a home where his dad was a mean alcoholic. My dad's last memory of his family living together was him standing between his parents with a baseball bat in hand threatening my grandfather that if he laid another hand on my grandmother, my dad would do physical harm to him. His family broke up that very night. My grandmother took her youngest daughter and left that night to stay with her oldest daughter. My dad left soon after to stay with a family where the father was a minister that had lead my dad to the Lord. He moved to Michigan to live with the Weir family and finish out his last year of high school with them. What seemed to be a broken situation turned out to be the best thing that happened to my dad. He learned how to be a father from the kind man who took him in. He learned about his Heavenly Father and decided then that he wanted to follow after Him no matter what.
My dad's life didn't get easier just because he decided to live for Jesus. He did find love and get married, they had a son together and were expecting another when his wife miscarried and found out that she had cancer. She died within a few months after her diagnosis. I remember spending countless times talking to my dad about his first wife. Ever the fairytale lover, I was obsessed with the thoughts that he lost a love and my brother lost his mom. My dad patiently answered all my questions and then made sure to let me know that in the midst of his despair, God was there with him and brought him out, taking care of both he and my brother. That God gave them my mom and then the rest of us kids and how he could never have seen how that could have happened when he was in the midst of grief, but that because he clung to Jesus, God guided his path and had a plan that was just as blessed.
Then I watched my dad walk through the same loss that he had experienced with his son. My brother's first wife died after childbirth and we were so... heartbroken isn't a strong enough word. I watched my brother struggle with life and with the small child they had been so excited for a few days before and now that excitement felt more like dreams lost. This was the first experience I got to have with tragedy, but I knew where to go to learn how to walk through it. I watched my parents, imitating their lives as they sought God in the middle of the pain. It wasn't perfect or easy, but they did what they trained themselves to do - look to their Heavenly Father for guidance. I learned how to start praying and trusting in God in ways I couldn't comprehend, but God knew that I was going to need all those lessons for what I had yet to face in my own life.
Of course, you know my story. My parents once again had to walk with one of their children experiencing a loss of a mate. Knowing Greg was going to die was both a blessing and a curse. You constantly felt like death was living with you, but there was also the opportunity to prepare. I once again went to my dad and questioned him on how he managed in those early days. After Greg died, my dad was always good to speak a future into my life, to remind me that I was going to be ok.
It reminds me of The Lion King. When Simba, looking for his deceased father, looks into the water and only sees a reflection of himself. But when he looks closer, he does see his father in himself. He can hear his father telling him that Simba has forgotten who he is and so therefore has forgotten the father. I love when his father looks at his broken, lazy, pitiful son and whispers to him to look inside himself because Simba is more than what he has become. When Simba expresses his fears about life, his father reminds him to remember who he is- he is the son of the king!
When I look in the mirror and see the reflection of my father's eye in me, it's more than just my earthly father that I'm reminded of. My earthly father taught me that I am more than who I have become. My father taught me that because I am saved, I am the daughter of the ONE TRUE KING and that because of that, I can stand firm no matter what may enter my life!
One of the things my sweet father was most concerned about before he died, was making sure someone close in his life that he had been sharing Jesus with would hear it one more time before he left this world. What an awesome example my dad left for his wife, his children, his grandchildren and great-grandchildren. This life can be messy and broken, but nothing beats the blessing of following our Heavenly Savior, of trusting Him in the midst of the good and the bad of life. Let me encourage you, when you look at your reflection, remember who you are. You are the child of The King; someone more than what you have become yet in the midst of your beautifully broken life!